As the end of the semester approaches, some of you
may be concerned about finals week and its ensuing
difficulties. You may be feeling hopeless, confused,
and/or afraid. Some of you may even be thinking
about giving up now, quitting Northwest, and
running away to a convent where at least you don’t
have to take any tests.
But there is no need to fear, young grasshopper.
Having weathered many semesters throughout my
days here at Northwest, I have become a master
of the finals week. With these few tips, you will be
prepared to overcome anything it throws your way.
TIP #1: Don’t Sleep – Study
Most freshmen make the amateur mistake of
spending too much time sleeping during finals week.
That is the worst thing you could do. You need to
be up all night studying not lazily laying around,
wasting precious study time. God didn’t want us to
sleep–that’s why he created coffee and Red Bull. If
you are wise, you’ll do what I do: drink five Rockstars
at 10 p.m., study all night, then take the test at 8 a.m.
This produces the greatest test results.
TIP #2: Watch Lots of Netflix
There are so many good shows available on Netflix
these days, and finals week is a perfect opportunity to
get caught up. It might seem unwise at first glance,
but if you merely put the shows on while you’re
studying, you’re bound to have a more effective
studying experience. It will provide you with
necessary happiness and motivation to keep going
without distracting you in the slightest, especially
when watching intense shows like Breaking Bad, 24,
or Courage the Cowardly Dog. Just do as I do: reward
your hard study work with five minutes of Netflix for
every line of your textbook you read. You’ll feel much
happier about your study experience.
TIP #3: Don’t Do Today what You
Could Do Tomorrow
When it comes to final projects and papers, many
inexperienced students are too eager to finish and
often rush through the process. This could result
in work being turned in early, which often leads
to the teacher sharing your work with the class
as an example, which then makes the rest of the
class loathe your existence. So for the sake of your
reputation, do what I do: don’t even think about the
project or paper until a week before it’s due. Feel free
to give it a solid thought like, “I should start that
soon.” Then reward your productive thought with
Menchies or a new haircut. Then, two days before it’s
due, begin work, but make sure only to accomplish, at
most, 25% of the project then set it aside and forget
about it. Finally, three hours before deadline, go crazy.
You’re more likely to produce your best work when
under a stressful time crunch. Be sure not to revise at
all (there’s no time) and turn it in with two minutes
to spare. You will feel most satisfied with your papers
and projects when they are completed in this fashion
Written by Peter McMurray